Comedy Routine A, is a comedy routine that was written but never performed, due to shyness and perhaps bad material...
COMEDY ROUTINE A
So, its been gettin’ real cold lately, jeez.
[Optional: Have you guys been feeling this?]
We went out and bought one of those heated blankets the other day, you know to try to keep warm. Boy, was that a mistake!
I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, my back just boiling red hot...
[scream RED HOT in a funny way, for physicality/slap stick]
What in God’s name is goin’ on here, I say to my wife. This is ridiculous! Then I look at the label: George Foreman’s grilling blanket....ouch!
[big laughs probably]
Speaking of foremen, has anyone here ever worked at a construction site? Yeah? Oh more than I thought. [Hand-gesture here]. You guys keep - this - city - going!
[lead audience in round of applause]
What’s up with myst? It’s like rain, but frozen in time.
I wish I could freeze time because then I’d be...one with the myst. Not to mention the gorillas that are in there.
[minor laughs]
But I’m interested in more than just weather, I also enjoy sleeping. Sleeping? You’re probably thinking, ‘thats a bore,’ right? It might look like just a man on a mattress wrapped up in blankets, but inside, I’m a wizard wrapped in his blanket robes. Ha ha...
[laugh along with audience, build camaraderie]
But all kidding aside. I don’t even understand why we use blankets anyway. We should just wear our clothes to bed. That way when we wake up its just like (slaps hands) Ready to go!
Thanks.
[wave to audience]
My name is Dan Riley, good night!
© Dan Riley 2012
Comedy Routine A, is a comedy routine that was written but never performed, due to shyness and perhaps bad material...
COMEDY ROUTINE A
So, its been gettin’ real cold lately, jeez.
[Optional: Have you guys been feeling this?]
We went out and bought one of those heated blankets the other day, you know to try to keep warm. Boy, was that a mistake!
I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, my back just boiling red hot...
[scream RED HOT in a funny way, for physicality/slap stick]
What in God’s name is goin’ on here, I say to my wife. This is ridiculous! Then I look at the label: George Foreman’s grilling blanket....ouch!
[big laughs probably]
Speaking of foremen, has anyone here ever worked at a construction site? Yeah? Oh more than I thought. [Hand-gesture here]. You guys keep - this - city - going!
[lead audience in round of applause]
What’s up with myst? It’s like rain, but frozen in time.
I wish I could freeze time because then I’d be...one with the myst. Not to mention the gorillas that are in there.
[minor laughs]
But I’m interested in more than just weather, I also enjoy sleeping. Sleeping? You’re probably thinking, ‘thats a bore,’ right? It might look like just a man on a mattress wrapped up in blankets, but inside, I’m a wizard wrapped in his blanket robes. Ha ha...
[laugh along with audience, build camaraderie]
But all kidding aside. I don’t even understand why we use blankets anyway. We should just wear our clothes to bed. That way when we wake up its just like (slaps hands) Ready to go!
Thanks.
[wave to audience]
My name is Dan Riley, good night!
© Dan Riley 2012